Vertigo

Life - baby on the way, family strife, broken bones, getting older in age, relatives passing away, family members refusing to attend another's wedding, house payments, car breaking down...

Work - project deadlines, people quiting, customer threats, 401(k) taking a hit, UP and DCX stock going down, not getting the promotion...

Church - Life Group controversy, dwindling membership, more work put on the precious few, Pastor's and Pastoral staff mental health condition, constant demonic attacks...

World - Terrorist plots, Israel, Hezbollah, Iraq, Iran, North Korea, Abortion, Sudan, genocide, war, ethnic cleansing, famine, AIDS, racism, inflation, gas prices, global warming...

Should I keep going?

I know it is an old cliche' but what in the hell is this world coming to?

It is spinning (rather quickly) out of control, it is whack?

****************************************************************

"Brian, you are a Christian, how does God let all of this happen?"

"Not entirely sure, I do not know. But he does have a plan."

"Well what is it?!"

"Uh...um... well I, nor anyone else knows. His ways are not our ways and he works in mysterious ways."

"What kind of answer is that? Wht does that mean? So he is just some whimsical (g)od who does whatever he wants." I mean, if he is God over all, how does he allow all of this?"

"Well, he has allowed Satan to have control over the earth...."

"Satan has control?!" I thought God did?"

"God does, but he allows Satan to have dominion, for a season, over the world. But God is still in control, he has it all planned out."

"Are you really serious?" A season, what is that? Like summer or fall, or an NFL season, or what."

"Um..., well, um, uh... I do not know. But it is drawing near to an end."

"Riiiight.........."

*****************************************************************

Admittally, I have doubts, admittally, my faith isn't as strong as it should be. There is just so much...crap...going on out there right now, how do you keep it in order and balance? How do you explain it? How do you develop and maintain a conversation with someone when your only answer is, "God works in mysterious ways."

The one answer is absolutely FAITH.

But it is not that easy, at all. Human condition since the fall has been seperated from God. Comprehension of his omnipresence is difficult. Death, destruction, and debauchery abound. It is difficult to explain the characteristics and reign of God to non-Christians, and myself. How do you explain Faith? How do you explain something you do not see?

I believe it.

but...

can you believe something....

when you cannot even explain it?

I am persistent in my faith and talk about it any chance I have with anyone who wants me to. But I cannot escape my doubt. I know, within myself, that I am able to stay grounded and not freak out or over-react when life-situations seem so dark and bleak due to the faith I hold and have. But why?

Talks with most people always result in numerous biblical passages being fired at me that deal with God and faith.

But...
************************************************************************************
"Peter nearly drowned."

"Well he lost faith."

"EXACTLY!"



"Well how about the Psalms? They are filled with cries of pain and anguish asking where God is."

"Well, look at all the praise and joy heaped upon God in the book."

"Yeah, but what about all the cries out to God."



"What about Jesus on the cross? He cried out in horror and terror asking why God had forsaken him."

"Well, he was fulfilling more prophecy about him."

"Which one."

"In Psalms, David wrote the same thing."

"So then we are back to the book of Psalms."



"What about the actual disciples who witnessed Jesus resurection and still doubted?"

"Where is that written?"

"Mathew 28: 16-17, all the interpretations have it. KJV to the ESV."

"Oh, well Jesus had not ascended yet, so they doubted."

"But they saw Jesus appear to them after he had already died, they saw the actual resurected Christ. They witnessed his life and miracles. What more could they have possibly needed?"

"Well, brother, they went on and set the world afire with the gospel, so something clicked."

"Hmmm......"

********************************************************************************

This is all true, but we never read that they quit doubting. Maybe they never did. Maybe they maintained some form of doubt, but their belief never stopped either. All the way to the grave.

And this is the mystery. Doubt continues even as faith strengthens. Both are maintained in my conscious and subconscious being. I praise one and worry over the other. One drives me to live my life a certain way, the other causes me deep thought and sometimes a loss of sleep.

Why am I so sick and tired of hearing people tell me they are at peace with the idea of death and are not afraid of it?

Why does the word forever melt my brain?

Is this the "valley of the shadow of doubt" the psalmist spoke of?