Do not think me gentle
because I speak in praise
of gentleness, or elegant
because I honor the grace
that keeps this world. I am
a man crude as any,
gross of speech, intolerant,
stubborn, angry, full
of fits and furies. That I
have spoken well
at times, is not natural.
A wonder is what it is.
A Warning to My Readers - Wendell Berry
Perhaps I owe everyone an explanation. Maybe I don’t.
But for all intents and purposes, I’m done with the blogosphere. I gave it a try for a three and a half years and I think I’m just done. I think I am just sick of it. It’s become predictable on what exactly will be said and who will take which sides and say certain things. I mean, as soon as I hit “submit” I pretty much know who is going to say what. And I think if everyone else was honest they’d admit the same thing. There’s been nothing new. Corey goes Pomo on everyone (sorry Corey, its true) with artsy language and fancy writing. Toby takes the opposite side of any subject that the Religious Right or Evangelicals are in an uproar about it, he’s going to dig it…a lot! If it’s a squishy subject with the same group, he’s going to take the other side. Every time. And then Gary, well, actually you know what, there was some change. Gary did come out of the closet. The atheist closet I should say. But I feel like I’ve known this for like 12 years. I greatly apologize for this Gary but this has kind of the same feeling to it as that kid in high-school (or maybe your uncle) everyone kind of thought, might be, kind of acts, *gulp* gay. You know, he says something once and awhile that makes you stop and think, but you say “nah, no way” and the other guys in the circle of friends kind of think it themselves but never out and out say it. And then the 10 year reunion happens and sure as monkey crap (that’s one of those odd phrases), they’re there and with their “partner.” It’s fully confirmed now, and you’re happy that they’ve come out and can go on from there, but you’re also bummed out that they gave into that inner turmoil. That they’ve made the wrong choice….
Wait?
You’re not bummed?
They didn’t make the wrong choice?
And that’s the problem. I am grieved, horribly, that Gary caved in and made this decision. And the collective response everyone had opposite this proves what I think I always knew, but needed this little three and a half experiment to prove.
I’m not Postmodern, I’m not Emergent, and I am very, very, very set in my ways. So much so, that I’ve actually been very out of character in the last couple of years in the blogosphere. I don’t get Pomo or Emergent and I don’t want to…at all, ever!!
This isn’t to say that I won’t converse with you and have an intelligent discussion with you. I am well capable of that. I have 2 college degrees from an accredited public university. You know the kind that makes you take 20% of your classes from the “diversity” catalogue of classes. I served as an Executive Officer on student government, the business club, and a National Fraternity. I’ve managed white-collar and blue-collar workers from all different kinds of nationalities and backgrounds and ethnicities. I’ve minored in Philosophy and Journalism. But to be honest, didn’t complete either of them. I like to talk, not postulate and write. I mean, this whole thing you are reading right now is written at 5th grade level!!! And I think I’m smart with 2 college degrees, and I write a 2300 word essay at a 5th grade level!
And through all of that, the number one book I use to shape my mindset and set of ideals is the B-I-B-L-E (yes that’s the book for me). Now, don’t get me wrong, I kind of suck at living it. But the Bible is the book. It is the guidepost, instruction book, how-to manual, reference guide, devotional, whatever good or bad designator you want to put on it, for me. Now obviously, culture plays a role in my life too, I wear khaki’s to work and blue jeans to church. I drive a car and drink coffee. I listen to the radio and watch TV. But I don’t let culture dictate my mindset. Influence, yes, obviously, anyone that says otherwise you probably shouldn’t listen too anymore. But not dictate, not be the final word on the matter. This is more than frameworks and artworks and good works.
See, Jesus didn’t operate in a postmodern mindset. That’s different than culture. Culture does change and evolve. But a mindset is different than that. Yes, Jesus went around as a radical. Hanging out with the folks in the margins AND hanging out with the established religion of the day. He was a guy that everyone wanted to hang with. Why else are the religious people always around? I know they tried to trip him up and take him to task on a lot of things. But he made them look bad…a lot. But they kept coming around and seeing what was going on.
He brought some radical teachings to the people of his lifetime. They were operating in one set of cultural norms and he was bringing them to another set of cultural norms. But his mindset was always the same…that of his own, which is to say of the Father. And within that he always “spit the truth.” Culture didn’t influence his mindset.
He told some people to leave it all behind and follow him, he told others to just believe in him. He spoke hard truths that resulted in thousands leaving him. He outed some people within the midst of their dysfunctional living and showed utter compassion and love to others in the midst of their dysfunction. He showed up at some places and partied and he showed up at other places and threw everyone out in a rage. He talked and conversed and asked questions and answered questions. He told awesome stories. He taught people, he amazed people. And he always, always, always made sure to tell everyone that he was the only way.
Way to what?
The Father. Not heaven, necessarily, or not a way to not get to hell, necessarily. A way to the Father. This is huge, because that was the purpose of our Creation. And at the fall, it was lost, all of it. But Jesus showed up and offers a way back to the Father. And that is the goal (if you will) of all of this.
I’m not trying to make this a heaven or hell argument. But, wherever God is, Jesus offers us a way to that is. And to not be with God is not good and is very, very, very bad. Call those heaven (with God) and hell (not with God) if you want to. As for me, I do. But in the end, I don’t really care if heaven (as we all know it to mean) exists and if hell (as we all know it to mean) exists. But in the end, we are judged. Those that went through Jesus get eternal life with God, those that did not, get eternal life without God, which includes being in the same “locale” with satan. And I have no doubts that that means eternal damnation and ultimately eternal torture. How different would life be if you knew, with every inch of your body, heart, mind, soul, and spirit that God was gone? Never to show himself to you in any context ever again? That is damnation and torture. Maybe it includes “hell fire”, maybe it doesn’t. I just know I want absolutely zero part of that.
Jesus taught love God, Jesus, your neighbor, and yourself but he makes it clear there are definite black and white sides to be taken by all of us. He most definitely teaches and commands, no, demands we believe in him and chose his side. And those sides are to be taken here in this lifetime. It’s about choosing Jesus, all of him. Even the parts about him that make you feel uncomfortable. It isn’t about how anyone of us feels or about what anyone of us experience. It isn’t about your worldview and my worldview. Sometimes things are black and white even though they cannot be explained. Sometimes science and faith mix and sometimes they don’t. That doesn’t remove black and white from the equation.
With the exception of a couple of you, this is not a big deal. For those that it is….uh….too bad. And to sound clichéd, I’m praying for you. And I am specifically praying that you will realize how wrong you are and the grave danger you are in. I’m not going to condemn you and for me to say “If you don’t believe you’re in trouble” is not condemning you. It’s just telling what is. Plain and simple. If my mom had told my brother and I to not hit each other in the head with a baseball bat or we are in trouble, and my brother hits me in the head and I tell him, You’re in trouble, I’m not judging him. That’s up to someone else, namely my mother. So, I am praying for anyone that doesn’t believe this. Sometimes it is by name and other times it is in generalities, but still the same. More than praying I am grieved for you.
For those of you with no problems so far. Then let me try and give you one to have with me. There are things that I believe that really aren’t open to debate, (yes…per the Bible) namely:
** Abortion is wrong.
** Sex outside of a husband and wife is wrong…all and any sex whether hetero or homo.
** Husbands are the head of the household. It doesn’t matter who makes the decision, the husband will answer for all of them. And this isn’t to say that men have more value than women, but equality does not work.
** Women shouldn’t be in a leadership role of the church that results in them teaching men.
** Professed, practicing homosexuals should have ZERO leadership in the church.
** Divorce? Sure, but you cannot get married again unless it is to your original spouse. Basically, except for death, we’re only allowed one spouse in this lifetime.
** Pastors should not agree to officiate the marriage of anyone that has been divorced.
** Church is a requirement for Christians.
** I think Jesus would vote if he were here today, and I think any pro-choice candidate would never be an option, no matter their other political beliefs.
I am sure there are a lot more things, but these are the real hot button issues that I have primarily engaged in within the blogosphere. Many of other subjects like pre-destination, Calvinism, rapture timing, etc…..I just do not care. People spout off Bible verses and teachings of profound authors over the centuries on both sides of the argument and throw in their own 2 cents and “feelings” on the matter. None of that matters to me on the basis of how I live my life. And, none of the stuff above appeals to me anymore to argue over them. To argue over any of the above is just stupid. It’s wasting our time. It’s an excuse to avoid the hard stuff and life Jesus calls us to live for him. I’m just about done fighting and arguing over the peripherals.
We just keep re-hashing the same arguments over and over. We keep taking the same sides of the argument over and over. We keep spinning our tires and taking up our time saying the same thing we’ve always said. At times I find enjoyment in that, and most times I do not. But to go over and over the same stuff is kind of like this essay has been. A rehashing of stuff you all already knew about me.
So why’d I do it? I don’t know, like I said in the beginning, maybe I wanted to offer an explanation? Maybe I wanted to remove any and all doubt as to where I stand? Maybe I wanted to feel good about myself? Maybe I really do like to argue but didn’t want to admit it? Maybe I’m trying to drum up comments to my blog? Maybe I wanted to remove my BS filter? Maybe I just needed to throw a temper tantrum like a 3rd grader? If everyone else can throw a temper tantrum over what, if any, prepositional phrase to put in front of the word “church”, to really make it “church” (I thought you just needed Jesus (who is everywhere so that’s easy) a couple people and a C, a H, a R, and a U…….you can do that playing Wheel of Fortune and get “church” and that’s in the bonus round where you can win $50,000 or a new car, or a trip to Fiji or something) can’t I throw one for the lunacy and absurdity that is blogging?
In the end, I’m still here. And I’m still going to pop up once and awhile. But first, I’m going to read my Bible and go to church, and pray for people who have and are turning their backs on Jesus. I am going to change my son’s dirty diaper and rub my wife’s feet and pull weeds from the garden. And after that, if I have time, I’ll blog. And even then, only if I want to.
As you can see, I have a lot of issues to get over……
Monday, May 19, 2008
A Warning to My Readers
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20 comments:
Thanks for telling me the way it is. Really, if I were you I would have expressed things exactly the same way, and I would have believed that someone like me has "caved." What a disappointment (or confirmation) it must be for you. Your patriotism toward The Bible, God, Jesus, and all the other things you mention is a powerful position to be in, and I think the vast majority of people in this nation would applaud your stance with admiration.
I'd rather you didn't just wander off, but so long. See you around if you come around.
gary
Unfortunately, I don't share the same assurances that my "views" will garner the positive response(s) you think they will.
I'm already aware of how many people have read this post and you're the only one to say something.
Perhaps it's because I took the very broad, liberal, maybe detrimental approach of using your recent actions as a springboard and you felt the urge to respond.
But I'd rather have all of me out in the open for all of you to see.
Using me as a springboard is exactly the point of what I'm doing and will continue to do. I think it's the point of what you're doing too. We're both honest about our positions, and we're expressing them from opposite ends of the spectrum.
My urge to respond has more to do with being able to relate to what you are saying than it does feeling the need to counter everything just for the sake of argument. I can say that I clearly see things from your perspective, not because I've completely been there, but because I know you, and I understand what passion makes people proclaim.
I don't think it would be appropriate for me to try to argue your comments up and down. It would be no different than me trying to rip you apart as a person, and I'm just not interested in doing that sort of thing to people anymore.
Remember that blogging isn't just to get people to read our thoughts on something. Blogging is about fleshing out our own ideas so that they go "out there somewhere" -- and that we have something to reflect on and a quiet time to presently look at ourselves and where we are.
Yep.
Same things, just different days.
That is why I post so little any more. I'd rather try to spend my time trying to live it than talk about it. That and I work a lot of hours.
I am secure in who I am and where I am at in Christ and the church and I don't really feel the need to defend them.
Best post I've read by anyone in a long time Brian.
(Makes me think twice about why I ever decided to blog in the first place and why I keep it up. Granted, my blog circle has been decidedly less religiously and politically divided, which probably helps...)
Oh, brother. I think Brian is just ornery because the Tigers are losing (still). Everyone says the same thing over and over. Whatever. We may repeat concepts, but the narrative backdrop for the conceptual repetition is very dynamic.
Sir, i respectfully disagree.
I TOLD YOU SO....
"but the narrative backdrop for the conceptual repetition is very dynamic."
What does that mean?
Gary, Jay, Joey, and Corey
Thanks for the feedback!
It means that we may repeat concepts, but that we present them in many different ways through conversation and stories.
Imagine if when you tell your wife, "I love you," she replies, "Yeah, I know. You already told me that like this morning, Brian."
Even if the stories are the same, most of them are worth repeating at different times.
Gary said it clearly.
For instance a friend of mine used to be a pastor. He was dedicated to the faith, but toward the end of his pastoral run, he was struggling with some existential questions regarding what he had been taught about Jesus. While a pastor, his wife cheated with the deacon of the church, who in turn was backstabbing his way through the congregation. My friend went through a divorce, custody battle and the depths of depression as his life fell apart. Now, he's trying to put it all back to gether again.
Surprisingly, our phone convos still revolve around a lot of the same existential questions. But, they are definitely different now.
What I have tried to show through my blog is that our context is just as important as the content of our faith/perspective.
Brian, just a quick question, and I don't mean this sarcastically at all.
You said equality doesn't work in a marriage. If I told you that it absolutely does work in my marriage, what would you think?
I'm lying?
You misinterpreted the bible?
The bible is wrong?
Laura and I have our disputes, but we make independent decisions and because we know each other so well, we agree with the other's decisions even if we would have chosen something else. We annoy each other at times, but we're completely in synch. I want to believe your absolutes have merit, but that one just stands out to me as not consistent with my own experience.
Wow, is this response going to play into everyone's wheelhouse.
Going to get my hard hat, kevlar, and pixie dusy....
Ok here it goes......
Positive results and experiences in life that occur in direct opposition to something written in the Bible doesn't prove any of the possible answers you have given. You and Laura may end up Ward and June Cleaver, Homer and Marge Simpson, or Al and Peggy Bundy. More likely, you'll be Gary and Laura Phillips, but you get what I mean.
We have 6,000 years of history and trillions of people as case studies to prove this. There are people who have not lived even one ounce of the Golden Rule in their lives but had great success in life.
Now, to clear one thing up, this isn't a "damnable" offense. And I'm not saying your marriage will ever fall apart. I'm just saying some things are to be one way. Doesn't mean you'll fail miserably
We have more than 6,000 years of history, by the way. Remember mesopotamia and the earliest known civilization? We're talking 6th millennium BC, which factually gives us 8,000 years of recorded history from what we know.
I was playing it safe with the 6,000 years. It's the only number that gets like a 90% agreement rate.
Personally, I wasn't around during Creation, so I can't really speak to it.
That's cool. The Sumerians were around before 6,000 years, so all I'm saying is that any kind of creation (God breathed or cosmic action) had to have been at least a couple thousand years earlier. The scientific, agreeable facts are that creation occurred millions of years ago.
Can't even comprehend "millions of years ago." Can't even comprehend 6,000 years ago!!!
Pretty crazy, but my inability to not comprehend something, doesn't mean it's not true. Doesn't mean I can't prove it either. Sometimes you can and sometimes you can't.
Comprehension is overrated far too often. Which is odd considering the post-modern mindset most people tend to operate in, without even knowing they do it.
Also, what if God breathed the cosmic action to begin?
Thanks for sharing your heart Brian. Sounds like you're a bit discouraged at the philosophical directions in which some of your old friends are going. My wife would cheer if she read this post(but she never would). She has always thought blogging was a huge waste of time-especially when it involves endless rounds of debate. I sure have enjoyed the conversations with you, Corey, Gary, and Toby for about the past 2 years. If I ever walk away from it I'll miss you guys.
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