Masculinity? 6 - Be a Man!

COMPARISONS
"If I set the sun beside the moon,
And if I set the land beside the sea,
And if I set the town beside the country,
And if I set the man beside the woman,
I suppose some fool would talk about one being better."
- G.K. Chesterton

I've switched it up a little here from my original intention. I do not like the term glory-bearers. I get the impression and the meaning, but no-one really can carry God's glory. As fallen man, it isn't possible right now. The original intent was to go off Paul's writing in Corinthians and Ephesians where he very plainly lays out the fact that "man is the image and glory of God: but woman is the glory of man." As well, "so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands." I still will, but I changed it up.

How does this tie into me raising Seth into a biblical form of masculinity:

BE A MAN!

Having your wife submit to you doesn't me you walk around shirtless drinking beer, watching COPS, beating your wife, and watching porn. It's not keeping her barefoot and pregnant. It's not sitting around all day playing games. I would go so far as to say it is never being Mr. Mom, outside the most extenuating circumstances someone could ever endure! Being a man is not being macho, but standing up, having a backbone and character. It is working hard and making the tough decision. It's raising a family and not running when the going gets tough.

Being a man carries a massive burden. Boys must be instructed on how to grow up into glory and how to fulfill their responsibility to be representative, responsible, and holy.

I am not sure where sitting on the couch fits into that equation there? I am not sure were mom leaving the home to go work full-time to support the family fits in there? I am not sure where divorce fits in there? I am not sure where abusing your wife and kids fits in there? I am not sure where quiting fits in there? I can't see at all where effeminacy fits in.

I see where love fits in. I see where strength fits in. I see where accountability fits in. I see where the bare bones of the facts are, the health of the family and the church falls onto the shoulders of men. These distinctions are not made in the interests of winning some kind of competition. When the Bible assigns one kind of glory to man and another kind of glory to woman, our modern egalitarian bigotries prevent us from seeing that they are different kinds and levels of glory. Man isn't suppose to stand around when leadership and a decision needs to be made. Man abdicates his role when he waits for someone else to do so.

This is what I have struggled with as my son will one day grow into a man, leave Michele and I to fight the dragon and rescue his beauty. To start the cycle all over again. To be a man in his household who makes the hard decisions and stands up when they are wrong and fail just as easy when he makes the right one.

As a man, he carry's the glory of God with him. I want him to stand before God, in the worship of God, with head uncovered. Not cowering in fear, hiding behind a mask, and too scared to decide. It is a struggle for me, because I fail miserably at some of these same exact things I have been "preaching" about over the last couple of weeks. It is the struggle of man.

To conclude this whole series of posts....

I want my boy(s) to be aggressive and adventurous. To be patient and hardworking. Not just to hate evil but have a deep desire to fight it. Eager to learn and be wise. Stand up. Fight when its a must. Learn what it feels like to hold a weapon in their hand. Use their hands, and back, and masculinity to love his wife. Be her provider. Fight for her. Be an example of strength. Lead his family. Be a man.

And it all sounds grand and romantic and completey awesome until...









I want him to learn all of that from me. There's the rub.

Masculinity? 5 - Sages

REVIEW (Intro Pt. 2 , Pt. 3, Pt. 4): Continuing thoughts on masculinity and what is it. Through a lot of reading, discussion with friends and family, some contemplation on my part, and a couple programs at our church I am laying out a rough outline as I understand it and agree with some of the things I have read and heard and disagreed with others, ultimately forming my own opinion. Read the other parts and come back to the discussion. As a quick recap, we have discussed how Man was created to exercise dominion in the earth. But more than just conquer and subdue we have to make sure our world flourishes. God also commands us to settle down. Tend and keep. Patience and Hard-Work is a necessity to masculinity. And last time we looked at the need men have to save and deliver. Created in the image of our Creator, the great dragon-slayer, men carry a need for adventure and a beauty to rescue. Boys must learn they are growing up to fight in a great war.

SAGES - The sage is a man who is great in wisdom, and wisdom in Scripture is personified as a great lady. Sons are exhorted to constantly listen to her. As we look to the first part of Proverbs (1-9), we see that wisdom is a woman who disciplines boys. When a grimy little boy needs his knuckles rapped, she is the one to do it. If he heeds wisdom in her role as the strict school-mistress, he grows up to a certain measure of wisdom, and the lady wisdom becomes his patroness. And when a man has grown up to wisdom, he has become a sage. We all know the "cool old guy" who is quick witted, tells the best stories, and seems to have all the answers. Video games and TV aren't the reason behind that cool old guy.

We must therefore teach boys the masculinity of study, of learning, of books, of intellectual discussion. Too often we let boys drift into a situation where they pit one aspect of masculinity against another. When this happens, for example, a boy who naturally loves the outdoors can too readily dismiss software programming as effeminate, or, even worse, come to look down on poetry. Intellectual discipline, or as Peter put it, girding up the loins of the mind, is an important part of growing to manhood. Poetry is an extreme brought up on purpsoe because of the disdain it carries when used in relation with masculinity. Unfortunately poetry is not viewed as very masculine. That is unfortunate. All one needs to do is read the Psalter. Read 5 a day for one month, you'll have read through the book and you'll find adventure, love, courage, despair, hate, cowardice, and valor all together at one time. Most, written by a man who killed a giant with a sling shot at the age of 12. The actual King of Israel was shaking in his shoes and a 12 year-old harpist with a book full of poetry shows up and slays the giant. Masculinty.

But with poetry there are also books and reading...alot. And I'm not talking the latest and greatest "Leadership 101" and "Be the Best Manager Ever" or even "How to Live A Christocentric Life at Home, Work, and Church." Those better business books and the latest and greatest spirituality books have their purpose and work well. I am talking the literary classics. Shakespeare, Twain, Berry, Dostoevsky, The Red Badge of Courage, Grim's Fairy Tales, The Lord of the Rings, Old Man and the Sea, and Sherlock Holmes. Books and authors that immerse your imagination and inellect. Books with characters that come to life and teach life lessons. These literary classics are classics because when the book is done, you miss the characters and the adventure they took you on. You want more, there's a slight disappointment the book is done. As well, these books aren't one-time in your life reads and some of them can only be read with age and experience. Read Huck Finn to your son when he is young, let him read it again himself when he is 13 and encourage him to do it again at 20. See how different the story is to him, how he has grown up, how different he views Huck Finn. It is the same for all of them.

Reading is a lost art. Re-capture that.

But reading and homework and learning poetry isn't all. In boyhood, study looks suspiciously like digging a hole and then filling it up. There is an element of gamesmanship here too. Games like Chess, Poker, and Pinnochle can accomplish the same. These games remove chance and luck from the equation. The elements that bring you long-term, expected success in these games requires intelligence. The ability to process information, probabilities, next moves, and "read your opponent" all at the same time to produce a winning strategy doesn't happen playing Madden 07' or WoW and watching the Simpson. I know card games rely on the cards you have been dealt. But everyone at the table has been given the same chance and the options are limited to a finite amount. Your ability to figure out the odds and bet accordingly and play your cards accordingly is how you win. Anyone can get "lucky" a hand or two and catch a card on the river, but that success is fleeting and is gone the next time they play. Lessons can be taught around the dinner table whether there is a fork in hand or a Queen's bishop.


I'm not advocating that playing games and reading books requires a lecture throughout the time of the activity. Or that a review is necessary afterwards. I'm also not saying to teach a 3 year old the inner most workings of the chess board or the probabilities of catching a straight flush on the river, but don't be afraid to introduce it.

Game playing only goes so far. Do not substitute games for reading and poetry. Supplement them. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but rather painful. Afterwards, when life comes at you, you realize the effect it has had on you. Nowhere is this principle more clear than in the relationship of study in the early years to wisdom in the years of old age. And while the point is clear when we make it this way, it is not naturally visible to a boy who has to do a homework assignment when he can hear all the neighborhood kids playing stickball.

The connections must be made for him. Boys must therefore learn to be teachable, studious, and thoughtful. As well as learn to laugh at the Simpsons and look forward to the day he finally beats dad in Madden on a hail mary.

Next up - Glory-bearers ?

It's all for Me

We all blog for one reason...Me. I blog for myself. You blog for yourself. I read your blog for me. "What kind of crazy ass shit is Gary going to write about this time?" We just determine how transparent we want to be in our blogging and our commenting with others. No one blogs for others. Sure we may ellicit advice, ask questions, and engage each other over a blog. But it's still because we felt it was important enough to "blog it."

It cracks me up that people believe there are rules and guideposts to blogging. Are there rules and guideposts to keep your own journal or diary? Why should there be to blogging? Actually there are rules to blogging. What you, the author of the blog, set up as the rules. Everyone blogs differently. Some bore us with everyday tidbits and munitia of their trivial lives. Others wow us with their creativity and immerse us in awesome stories and charcacters. Some of us piss each other off and rant and rave. And all of us are "real smart" and post what we believe and why we believe it. Our blogs become our very own dogma and propaganda machine. It's why I also crack up when people cry afoul about dogma, authority, and propaganda on their blogs. All they are doing is spreading their own version of it.

And you know what.....FAN-FREAKIN-TASTIC GREAT FOR YOU!!!! I am happy for you.

I do it to and I love it. I like upsetting people and taking them out of their comfort zones. I like reading the frustrating comments my posts ellicict. It is creating the purpose I want it to. Drop the gloves, drop the borders, drop the walls and be honest. You hate church? Well I think you are being a baby because of that. You disagree? Good, let's argue over it (the word "conversation" jumped the shark a week ago...time you catch up). You hate the fact that I like George W. Bush as my and your president? (see how I bolded "you" to piss you off, I did it on purpose knowing full well it would irk you). Congratulations on forming your own opinion. You are human, you have the right. It doesn't mean I think any less of you. It doesn't mean I am not going to stick up for my opinions sometimes. And I expect the same from you. Tell me on my blog. If you make a good point and piss me off, I'm going to say "Damn It Toby, you got me", good for you. If I piss you off good for me. Listen, it's ok to have your feelings hurt because we bring up good points and argue over these things. If I make a comment to every response, deal with it. The blog is called:

MY PERCEPTION

I called it that for a reason, any guesses to what it means?

Also,

Get over the fact I don't blog everyday. I am not a "bore you with my trivial life" kind of guy.

I have a job that takes roughly 10 hours of my day bewteen normal work hours, commuting, and lunch time. I am married with a 3-month old child and I own my home. So when I get home from work, the work isn't done. And I have a life outside of blogs. I actually get together with my friends and family face-to-face and talk and argue over many, if not all, of the exact same things I write about here. There are 4 or 5 of us that are near legendary status at McCaffery's bar here in Lincoln Park for the lively debate and discussions we hold together. Sometimes bringing in "the townies" as well. What's more fun and way more cool? Going to an old Irish Pub and debating politics, arguing the narcissism level of Hemingway, how true is Global Warming, should you home-school your children, is hell real, how do you raise your boy to not be a sissy, guns, sex, rock and roll. Or typing on a blog, by yourself (maybe bitching to your wife about what Corey said this time, as she rolls her eyes at you) and then just sitting back and letting the "conversation" unfold?

What?

Typing thoughts..oops, I mean propaganda out on a keyboard only gets me so far. Human interaction and intimcy is what is needed. Sorry, I can't spend hours in front of a computer pounding out a manifesto everytime something strikes my fancy. Sometimes I find a few spare moments at work to do this. Very rarely I find time at home to do it as well. Friday nights and Saturday mornings about narrows it down for me.

I read a lot of good stuff by all the friends, people, and blogs I have listed to the right sidebar. For as much as I fire off comments there are more times I want to but just don't have the time. Scot McKnight, Steve McCoy, Michael Spencer, et. al have the time and profession to post all day long and think out loud on a blog and monitor their own comments and reply to comments and on and on. I do not. Actually, I don't want that.

Do not get me wrong. I want regular readers to my blog. I want to raise hell and argue over our life views. But it does me no good to hold back myself just to keep "readership." My goal is not to avoid hurting your feelings. But I do not want anyone to never want to read what I have to say. I'm too narcissistic for that, as are all bloggers. Let me say this too, being exasperated over your dogma and propaganda doesn't give me or anyone else the right to call names, but insuating you are being a child is not being done to offend you.

This blog is about me, your blog is about you. There's nothing wrong with that and it's ok. Outside of accosting me or my wife and family, anything you have to say is welcome here, but expect me to respond to it, and you may not like the response.

Get over it!

Masculinity? 4 - Saviors

REVIEW (Intro Pt. 2, Pt.3): Continuing thoughts and masculinity. Man was created to exercise dominion in the earth. But more than just conquer and subdue we have to make sure our world flourishes. God also commands us to settle down. Tend and keep. Patience and Hard-Work is a necessity to masculinity. Carpentry and gardening are included in this tend and keep. One great way to do this is to capitalize on the tree fort impulse boys have and build one with them. If you have newborns or infants (i.e., you have about 8 years before they can help build a tree fort) then practice, practice, practice now.

Saviors - Masculinity is an essence. In boys, that essence is craved for. And it can only be passed between men. Masculinity brings adventure and a sense of journey with it. Men have a deep desire to deliver and save. We have a beauty to rescue and a dragon to fight. Happily ever after only comes after spilt blood. Jesus Christ is our ultimate example of a savior. His deliverance was promised in the near beginning of mankind. Adam fails to grasp and use his masculinity and the serpent deceives Eve. God proclaims a fight for the ages:

And I will put enmity between thee and the woman, and between thy seed and her seed; it shall bruise thy head, and thou shalt bruise his heel" (Gen. 3:14-15).

But there is a lot more to just this one scene. There is a lot of background to just this one story. Genesis is where we enter the story. A whole lot more has already happen. The world is already at war. The lines have been drawn. Evil is waiting to make its next move. Somewhere back before Eden, in the mystery of eternity past, there was a coup, a rebellion, an assisatination attempt. The captain of the guard rebelled against the Trinity. With a third of the angels, he tries to storm the actual Throne of God. God's answer? He draws his sword and thrusts it into the Enemy:

Awake, awake, put on strength, O arm of the Lord; awake, as in days of old, the generations of long ago. Was it not you who cut Rahab in pieces, that pierced the dragon? (Isaiah 51:9)

The whole lot of them are cast out of heaven and have landed with a gigantic splash right here on this ball of spinning dirt. And they are pissed off. Raging hell, literally, everywhere. Offering and carrying death in both hands to whoever wants it (Rev 12:12). They were not destroyed, and the battle is not over. This fight has continued and will continue until God, in his infinite wisdom, power, might, mercy, and grace, ends it. When his Son descends from heaven with fire in his eyes and a sword in his mouth, this war is over...not until then. Jesus Christ is a dragon slayer. God set it up that way and promised it. So to must men.

Men who follow Jesus Christ, the dragon slayer, must themselves become lesser dragon-slayers. And this is why it is absolutely essential for boys to play with wooden swords and plastic guns. Acting out the wars and living the adventure. Boys have a deep need to have something to defend, something to represent in battle. And to beat the spears into pruning hooks prematurely, before the war is over, will leave you fighting the dragon with a pruning hook.

But there is more just giving junior a plastic gun and telling him go play cops and robbers. Great stories of adventure, war, and extraordinary feats work as well in conjunction. Valor, courage, might, and brains. Stories of swashbucklers on the open seas and fair maidens in distress. If your imagination escapes you, take history lessons and great inventions. Examples of extraordinary acts by ordinary people. The Wright brothers, when read about and told from an adventure standpoint has it all. We'll ge into this element a little more next time.

The Christian faith is no way pacifistic. The peace that will be ushered in by our great Prince will be a peace purchased with blood. As our Lord sacrificed Himself in this war, so must His followers learn to do.

Boys must learn that they are growing up to fight in a great war, and they must consequently learn, as boys, to be strong, sacrificial, courageous, and good.

Next up: Sages

Catchin' Up

Man, what a week.

1 - It was Michele's first week back to work. Good news is that she works from home 100%. Oh, the blessing that is technology. Still closing million dollar loans in her pajamas at home. Gotta love that. The bad part is that even though we have some of the woman from our church helping her baby-sit she can hear Seth cry and for the last 12 weeks, se was right there for him. Now she has to finish the phone call or the email or the paperwork. So it has been a little tough on her getting re-adjusted to the new schedule.

2 - I was MIA with a fever over 100 degrees almost all week. Started Tuesday night and by Thursday eveing I was at about 99 degrees. Still, today I am feeling it. But much, much better.

So pile on me being sick and really not coming within 3 feet of Seth for 3 days with Michele working from home and she didn't leave the house once since Monday evening. So she needed to get out and did this morning. So I stayed home and watched Seth (he slept for 3 hours...man that was so hard to do) and was able to catch up on a lot of reading in the blogosphere, political world, and sporting world. As well as work some more on the masculinity series I am trying to tread through. As well, as a brand new lottery system. I'll lay that out at the end.

Tigers are back in first. Ordonez is crushing the ball, Sheffield is back. Some concern with the pitching staff falling apart lately. But do not forget that the Tigers have some young arms in the minors just waiting to crack the majors (Andrew Miller, Virgil Vazquez, Kyle Sleeth, etc.) They'll be fine.

Pistons are going to steamroll to the Finals. They'll probably lose one game, maybe 2 before the Finals. I'd put 50-50 odds on them not losing a game until the Finals. With Dallas out of the picture, the Pistons will win it.

Red Wings - the most underrated 1 seed ever. The "sports critics" give them no credit and claim they aren't grimey, gritty, and tough enough. But they've been the money line favorite in Vegas all playoffs long. You really want a picture of the sports world, look at the Vegas sports lines.

Imagine a June with the Pistons and Red Wings going for the championship and the Tigers battling in the bst division in baseball for first place. If you are a Detroit Sports fan, best time ever right now.

Here are some other great links I read today.

Scripture is all you need - an excerpt

However, the enlightenment, which he called "a movement of spiritual darkness," then so elevated human reason that it became the arbiter of truth and the final authority on all matters. The result was skepticism which led to naturalism and a corresponding suppression of the work of God the Holy Spirit as the illuminator of Truth. Subsequently, those who were considered the experts on Scripture were no longer humble people filled and led by God the Holy Spirit to live a life of love in obedience to Jesus, but rather rationalistic modern critics of both Scripture and the supernatural. According to Packer, the sad result of such subjectivity, where there is no truth but rather only one's opinion, is that my opinion only matters to myself. Tragically, as Francis Schaeffer predicted, subjectivism leads to despair because if there is no Truth and no answers to the great and perplexing questions about life beyond my own subjective opinion, then hope is forever buried.

Dinner is one of the most important elements to the family - a family philosophy Michele and I have been firm on from the beginning. Yes, we have already started it, somewhat.

An excerpt

The largest portion of these family meals was the best part of the day. I think we would all agree that not only was this important to the parenting process, but it defined our family and our relationships to one another in many ways. In my mind, I remember this as a special, much blessed time.

How did the family meal make for successful parenting?

We learned to talk to one another. Conversation is a hallmark of the Spencer family. We talk and we enjoy talking as a family. Sometimes the kids would fight over who was interrupting whom in a conversation. Considering where a lot of people are with their kids- cold silence- this was a good problem to have.

Seem slike Toby is feeling the same way as me lately.

Corey has been thinking way too much in the stillness of the night, he needs to get back to sleep and get it while he still can.

John Frye has a post on a book that is on my hit list this summer.

and

Gary's boy looks just like him, duh.

And now the new lottery. This would raise millions for the schools. Milions for the roads in Michigan and will probably piss a lot of you off.

First, you have to go here and read the story and watch the video to the top right of the screen

Here is what we should do in cases like this.

Hold a lottery everytime something like this happens. Each ticket is a buck or two. In this case, he hit the old man 21 times. There are 21 winners. Everyone who buys a ticket gets there names put into a huge hopper. You can buy as many as you want. They draw out 21 winners. Each winner gets one free shot at this guy. Now you can only punch him where he punched the old man. So in the face or arm. No where else.

How could that not be a winner.

It's been a great Saturday morning. Time to do some yard work. Maybe I'll get a petition started on the lottery thing too.

Masculinity? 3 - Husbandmen

REVIEW - Last time we looked at the role of Lords in the masculinity of men. Man was created to exercise dominion in the earth. We get a mandate from God in the garden, he re-iterates this after the flood and we get a spin on it at the Great Commission. We see this impulse in boys as they grow up and keep a sense of adventure and vision. Fathers need to channel and direct this energy to an obedient response. But there is more to just "lording" over the earth.

Husbandmen – Discover, conquer, subdue. Being a lord and lording over. Words that sound great in the realm of masculinity. It plays right into adventure and power. But if we stop at subduing and lording, extinction is only a matter of time. Man was created, not only to discover and conquer new worlds, but also to make those worlds flourish. The command by God to subdue carries a second part with it.

“the Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to tend and keep
it” (Gen. 2:15).

This second aspect means that men are created to conquer and subdue, and after this, to settle down. After man was created, God placed him in the garden to tend and protect it. Notice, the same man he gives dominion to is the same man he tells to tend and keep it. The easy part is lording, the hard part is being the husbandman of the land.

Man does not just build bridges and space stations. He must also tend and oversee the organic things which he plants there – gardens, families, towns. Home improvement projects (whether simple and small or large enough to be a remodel), working in a garden, and basic yard work are all opportunities for boys to excercise this aspect of masculinity. Whether it's carpentry, gardening, or landscaping; it's all the same: 80% care and common sense and 20% skill. You do not have to be highly skilled to make furniture, as long as you never lose your temper, plan carefully and practice, practice, practice. The difference between a professional and me? They cut joints everyday. That's all. Great lessons can be acquired by small boys in a garden. A rich farmer was once rebuked for having his sons work in the fields when they didn’t have to. His reply was apropos to this discussion. He wasn’t raising corn, he explained, he was raising boys.

Take the tree fort impulse we talked about last time that all boys seem to have. They have it, so go build one. Building a decent treehouse is really hard. It takes probably 2-3 hours after work everyday for a couple weeks and all day Saturday and Sunday both of those weekends as well. Cost would probably be a couple hundred dollars too. In other words, it's a job for dads. Most Dads work 60 hours at a job, why not 60 hours with your son in 2 weeks! And how much was the PS3 and Madden 07? The treehouse won't go out of date and its healthier. We are well aware of the satisfaction gained from nailing bits of wood to a tree, but for something that look right, is strong and safe, and will last more than just a few months, you need a bit more than that. And do not forget the skull and crossbones...it's a must!

Again this is a chance to channel energy and teach life lessons. It's worth the effort, the sweat, the cost, and even the blood. The whole premise whether it's a tree house filled with sons and their friends, or a fresh salad with home-grown ingredients at family dinner time, or a summer game night out on the new deck and patio, it's a thing of beauty. And that's the why just lording isn't enough. But there is more to this tending and overseeing the organic things, and unfortunately, too many Christians ignore this part of the mandate.

All Christians share a burden in our environment and should be “environmentally friendly.” Just like anything else, this can go to an extreme and be carried too far (Al Gore). Ideally, that line to draw is your own. But we have a moral obligation to tend and keep this world we have been given. Our command after the flood was to replenish. You can’t go too far “replenishing” if you suck the earth dry. Any good lord takes on the role of husbandman and tends to his fields, home, and family and makes sure not to kill them in the process. Boys therefore should be learning to be patient, careful, and hard-working.

Next Up - Saviors

Masculinity? 2 - Lords

Lords – Man was created to exercise dominion in the earth. The charge which God gave in this regard is frequently called the cultural mandate.

And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth…Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it. (Gen 1:26-28).

Some may assume that this cultural mandate is negated by the fall of man into sin, but God repeats the mandate again after the flood (Gen 9:1). Sin certainly affected our ability to fulfill this command from God, but it did not remove the obligation placed on us by the command. But if it is to be fulfilled now, in a sinful world, then it must be as a result of the goodness and grace of God. And this is what we see. The mandate is given to us yet again in another form in the Great Commission. We are told there to disciple the nations and bring them to true submission to the Lord Jesus Christ (Mt, 28: 18-20).

In boys, we might call this the “tree fort” impulse. Boys want to conquer and subdue, and if the terrain before them is the back yard, then that is why they want to conquer and subdue.

My brother, 2 cousins, and myself are about 6 years apart in age. When we were together there is no telling what we might try and build. We built a series of fishing docks out into Wildwood Lake in Wolverine. With posts in water and interconnecting 2x4’s going everywhere. Caught many a bluegill and perch off those docks. If you go there now, the posts are still in the water. We built at least 3 forts that I remember. Who knows how many we tried to build and failed. We built our own teepee and slept in it. Spent many nights camping out in our forts as well. I built a hunting blind when I was 15 and my cousin and I built one together a couple years later. This is a natural tendency for boys and soon enough Seth will be going after my tools and scrap 2x4’s and trying to hammer something together. Wanting to spend time with me in the garage and the yard.

The point of discipline with boys is to channel and direct their energy into an obedient response to the cultural mandate. It is not to squash that energy, destroying it or making it sullen. I should have Seth in training to become a man who exercises dominion, Seth should be learning to be lord in the earth, I should make sure he learns to be adventurous and visionary.

Next Up - Husbandmen

Masculinity? - Introduction

Every Mother's Day our church holds it's baby dedication service. This is the day that all babies born into the church since the last Mother's Day can be dedicated by the parents for service to the Lord. We, the parents, make a vocal assurance that we will raise up our child (who is fearfully and wonderfully made) in the commands and statutes of God. Is it symbolic? Yes. Is it necessary? No. It's something Michele and I already committed to do. And yes over the years, the whole baby baptism vs. baby dedication thing has become just a "rite of passage" and something parents do to comfort themselves and their families.

But I think that a celebration of life is important and an event like that offers the parents a chance to contemplate just what kind of challenge is before them. It's easy to get caught up in the emotion of the day and making sure everything goes just right and "please do not let junior cry while the Pastor lays hands on him, show he is normal." But it is up to the parents to lock in on this chance and put some thought into what they are truly saying. This monumental task of raising a child and having it turn out normal is paramount. Everybody draws on their own experience of how their parents were. Whether we do as they did or opposite of what they did. Ultimately we blend the do and do not into some sort of ratio.

For me, being raised with virtually no father figure for the first 8 years of my life and then being raised with a tyrannical ogre as a father figure for the next 8 years has really put a gap into my confidence of how I am going to raise my son. I can see the effects of both gaps (effeminacy namby-bamby and "macho-like") in my life in the way I handle my life and the direction it takes with my family in tow. To put it out there, I want my son to be masculine. Masculine in every sense of the way Jesus, David, Moses, and John the Baptist were. To be a man. To walk the line between effeminacy and macho. Through some lengthy discussions, a lot of reading of specific books, and contemplation on some of this subject matter I've developed a somewhat thought process to this. I will lay some of it out here and in subsequent postings. Feel free to add to the conversation.



We live in a feminist and effeminate culture. Because of this, at best, as a people we are uneasy with masculinity, and with increasing regularity, whenever it manages to appear somehow, we call for someone to do something about it.

There are 2 basic directions a boy can take in departing from biblical masculinity. One is the option of effeminacy, and the other is a macho-like counterfeit masculinity. With the former, he takes as a model a set of virtues which are not supposed to be his virtues. With the latter, he adopts a set of pseudo-virtues, practices which are not virtues at all.

When God has assigned a place to someone, it is disobedience to desert that station. A woman is no coward for refusing to desert her children in order to enlist in the army to go off and fight in a war. But a man who refuses to fight can be charged (depending on the circumstances) with cowardice. This same pattern can be seen in all the little things of life. A man is not supposed to stand around when its important to exercise leadership. A woman might be called to simply wait for her husband to make a decision. But a man who waits around for someone to decide is abdicating his assigned role.

Of course a biblical man is to be kind and gentle, but the model for this is to be (ultimately) the Lord Jesus, and in conjunction with this, the teaching of Scripture. The overarching model for this is not our composite cultural picture of what an accomodating male looks like. When distortions occur, they can veer left into effeminacy, or right into a counterfeit masculinity.

Manhood is where boyhood should aim. So what is masculinity? What are we looking for when we describe manhood according to the Bible?

Here is what I think...

Men are created to exercise dominion over the earth; they are fitted to be husbandman, tilling the earth; they are equipped to be saviors, delivering from evil; they are expected to grow up into wisdom, becoming sages; and they are designed to reflect the image and glory of God. To satisfy our "list culture:"

• lords
• husbandmen
• saviors
• sages
• glory-bearers

Honestly, my thought process on these is not detailed at all. I do not think I could make a detailed case for any of these roles. But I have a rough outline and some description to show the features of each. I think I can also show how each one is manifested in the life of boys.

Most of the subsequent posts are done, but my anal-retentive ways do not allow me to post them all right now. Every couple days allows me to pour over them and re-edit and re-type and then finally post them. They are all kind of short for now. They will probably stay that way. I'm not long winded. They may grow or shrink. But I look forward to hopefully some fruitful discussion and a definite growing experience for me.

Next up - Lords

Civic Duty

Just got done today serving my civic duty as a juror on a court case.

Criminal Sexual Conduct in the 3rd degree (2 counts). The trial went multiple days so being at court all day has kept me away from the computer.

Now that the verdict came in and the trial is done, I can talk!!

The whole process was actually very cool and a great experience. Out of a pool of 500 potential jurors for 20 different court cases I found myself on one. Odd.

But there is more "oddness" to the story. The forewoman in our jury is a friend to the guy who was my best friend growing up. From about age 7 to 13. We played little league together, his dad was St. Mary Magdalen Dad's Club Softball coach on and on. Through a casual conversation I mentioned living in Lincoln Park, she stated she had a couple good friends named so and so and so and so and one of those so and sos was him. Unbelievable!!!

Very awesome though.

As I said, being a juror was very cool and our deliberation was long and heated and had all the drama of a movie. Good stuff. But when you are dealing with rape and a husband and wife and kids and some very graphic content (2 counts because there are 2 "ways" a husband and wife can have "sex" if you get my drift), it's serious. I'd gladly do it again if asked.

Interesting even more was having the ability to talk to the judge and the prosecuting attorney afterwards and get their opinions on the matter and ask the prosecutor some of her motive and why she did and did not do what she did and did not do.

We did deliberate pretty much all day today and took it right to the last possible minute before they would have asked us to go home and come back tomorrow. But some late talking and a final pouring over the evidence and we finally came to the unamious verdict of (drum roll please) Not Guilty on both accounts.

The judge agreed with our decision (as I said we were able to talk to him afterwards). Which is somewhat comforting because it is tough. Do you lock someone up in prison for something you doubt he did or do you let a rapists back out in the street? The assumption is innocent until proven guilty and the prosecution has the burden of proof. The prosecution didn't do that. Further talking with the prosecution showed some of the same doubts were shared but once something like this is started and the ball gets rolling, you can't stop it.

It may have been the best law and civics lesson I have ever had. The case seemed to be an example of how the jury system works. We were split at the beginning of the deliberation. All took turns talking and counter pointing and yes things got heated but as the evidence played itself out and more and more blocks were built we reached a unaminous decision.

America in its purest form at work and succeeding. I'll raise a pint to that

Still Feeling Nauseous

A year later, a year older, a year wiser, and still making me sick.....

This is what I was posting a year ago, and it' not funny how I haven't changed.

No need to.