The Mourning After

So what happens when our character in this great big meta-narrative story we are in ends? We've served our purpose, done what was required and the Director writes us off the story? The screen goes black, the music quits playing in the background, and we are gone. Anyone reading this doesn't really know the exacts. But we do know what happens when one of the characters we love is no longer here. We know what happens to us.

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What is the first thing you did when you heard the news that someone you loved died? Did the hand holding the phone stop cooperating? Did the phone fall to the floor? Or did you? Did you fall silent? Or start repeating one word over and over and over, such as, "No. No. No."? Or was it relief you felt, relief for a suffering that finally passed? Were your reactions nothing more than learned responses? Were these reactions simply the summing of chemicals and electrical pulses? If so, then why did it hurt so badly? Why do we mourn the way we do?

It's not as if we get a crash course in these things. And we never get one when everyone around us is in good health and accounted for. There isn't a childhood moment where our parents anxiously sit us down to give us "the talk" concerning proper protocol for when someone close to us departs this realm we are all adventuring through. Death does not discriminate between those who are prepared and those who are not. The fact is, if we chose to participate in human relationship, eventally all of us, every single one of us will find ourselves standing in a church, a funeral parlor or next to a big rectangle hole in the ground, stuttering and stammering for the right words to say. And yet somehow, in those situations, it seems we all fall in line with a certain set of activites and customs, whether we have experienced them previosuly or not.

It customarily plays out like this:

• News is received and we are stunned
• A furious bustle of activity including phone calls, emails, red-eye flights, and 4 hour drives at 1am.
• Decisions, decisions, decisions, as a complex and choreographed funeral is designed.
• Flowers, cards, gifts, donations come in.
• A viewing
• A funeral
• A burial
• A memorial
• Everyone congregates somewhere for food
• Family, friends, the church, the neighbors make extra casseroles for the departed's family to alleviate the preparation of food in the coming days.
• Everyone tracks the families grieving process.

And that grieving process is important to all of us. Depression, guilt, anger, hope, etc. All part of it.

But there is also a whole list of rituals and traditions that transpire during observance of a death. We all share a common yet unspoken knowledge of how to act. These acts are referred to as "mourning." Just name a few:

• Wearing black
• Speaking well of the departed
• We all pat the mourner on the back and exert sympathy and some form of, "i am so sorry, this is so awful. At least they are in a better place."

Why do we do this?

Fear and awe, both in the same.

At the edge of life, between the living and the dead, between the material and the immaterial, there is unavoidable awe. Perhaps all this absurdity of tradition points to the simple fact that death scares us. It has always scared us. It is beyond our finite understanding, and the crazier these customs appear, the more deeply that reality can be felt. No matter how tighly packed our doctrine, at the edge of a rectangular hole in the ground (regardless of how many flowers surround it) there are leaks. It is then, more than at any other moment, that we see clearly how dimly we see.

It is now not the souls of those departed that we worry about, but our own. It is at the grave that our wonder begins. It is there that we need to believe in something more, something bigger and grander than our hands can touch (or dissect) or that our eyes can see (with or without magnification). It is there that we need all our notions of heaven to be real. It is our souls that need the comfort.

We go through the motions and rituals not because it is expected of us but because we are scared of the possible finality of it all. We do all of this to remember.

To remember.

What was the last conversation you shared? Your last meal together? What words do you wish had exited your mouth? What would you say now if given the chance? What is your most loved memory? When was the moment you felt closest? What were the things they'd get excited about? What makes you think of them? What do you miss the most? Wouldn't you rather feel this sadness, bear this weight, and mourn their absence than never have been touched by them?

Upon death, we hold a wake to remind us of how precious a person's life was. We order tombstones as a monument of love. We speak well of the departed because there is no use in speaking ill of them. We wear black to show that under the surface, there is a left an immense cavern. We are sad becasue something has been lost.

Lady in the Water or The Story of Our Lives

"Mr. Heep, it is time we showed people that some stories are real." - Young-Soon Choi

I am a very, very, very huge fan of M. Night Shyamalan. His stories are absolutely transcendent and earth shaking. But I wasn't always this big of a fan. We all know 'The Sixth Sense' and to most of us and everyone as a whole the movie is in the pantheon of all-time greats. It is a great movie but it becomes a member of the pantheon because of the ending. With 'The Sixth Sense', we were all blown away and then with 'Unbreakable' we all took a step back and were wondering if he reached his zenith with a little kid telling Bruce Willis he sees dead people. In all honesty it was unfair to expect Unbreakable to match The Sixth Sense in all components, especially in a mind-blowing ending that left the whole theatre gasping. None the less, Unbreakable is a good movie (the 2nd time around). So it was with much skeptisism we approached 'Signs' and then at the end we were ABSOLUTELY BLOWN AWAY!!! It was at that point I understood a Shyamalan movie needed to be watched from a spiritual view/angle. Not from a basic human need for entertainment. Not the basic, ok you need to suspend reality to get the movie. There's spirituality in all of his movies. An underground current of something greater is going on and we all have our part in it. There's a story being played, that is greater than ourselves, and we have our role. And it is a very specific role.

Up until 'Lady in the Water', all of his movies had that "twist" ending. The ending that you never saw coming that blew everything away. It's the reason you sat through 2 hours of crazy, supernatural, goofy, "where in the heck is this going" story telling. To be blown away at the end and leave the theatre enjoying the fact that your mind was twisted and turned and you walked out discussing all the scenes with your wife and wondering why you never noticed it before.

An element of that all changed with 'Lady in the Water'. The whole movie is the twist; the whole thing is crazy and blows your mind. This may be his most underrated movie. I thought the same thing of 'The Village' as well but Lady in the Water was lambasted and I think I know why. But before I get to that a little disclaimer....

This isn't a post to describe the movie to you or rehash the chronology of the movie. It is assumed you've seen the movie and know what has already happened. Obviously there are SPOILER ALERTS, but if you've never seen the movie, none of this will make sense to you and may actually make you more confused than ever.

All the characters in this movie are very real, very down to earth. They provide the comical element but the bigger fact is that almost all of them remind you of someone in your life. Paul Giamatti plays the lead character, Cleveland Heep, the apartment complex repair man. Not a great name for someone to grow up with, but in the context of a book or movie, a great name. Paul does a phenomenal job pulling off the character. It's a difficult character to portray. Playing someone who has a speech impediment and someone who is understated so much in his role but yet is the central character within the context of this story which is really the part of a much, MUCH larger story. Cleveland discovers that beyond the veil of his supposed mundane, dreary life is something much bigger behind that veil. A spiritual context that goes beyond the hum-drum routine of this life and world.

He is opened up to this world of Narfs and Scrunts and a whole vocabulary (The Blue World e.g.) that is odd and just plain sounds absurd to say them. Yet within the context of the movie you just roll with it. The fact that these everyday, comical, sometimes odd people in this one ordinary looking apartment all play a part in this cosmic narrative that's going on seems odd as well. To further put this story in our faces, the actual "Lady in the Water" is named 'Story' (a minor stoke of genius if I do say so). This Story is the revelation of the meta-narrative.

So, while the story is about the apartment complex and its renters, the real story is not about them. That is to say it's not about "man" it's much much larger than that. It isn't man against his environment as say in the movie 'Crash' or 'Babel' - which ends with no resolution to the problems and ills of the world. But a movie like this peels back a layer and exposes that there is something transcendent and cosmic going on that intersects with our ho-hum world and shows a lot of meaning and purpose to our ho-hum life.

And it all starts with a fairy tale. The world use to be this way and man went his own way and there's been a disconnect. And now things have been set in motion to get man back, to get it back to how it use to be. But the film doesn't end the story, what it does is provide a promise that things are set in motion and a savior is coming and the reconciliation of humanity. That's the story that we see. Not the actual salvation but the story up to. Even at the end, we see the eagle soaring above, but only from the reflection of the pool with the rain hitting it, so you do not actually see it. A stark reminder of the human perception, even in the Christian experience (1 Cor. 13, "Now we see but a poor reflection...until our reconciliation with God").

But this fantastic, mythical story/fairy tale becomes very real to Cleveland and the others. It becomes reality. At one point Cleveland comes face-to-face with a Scrunt. It is very traumatic as he comes face to face with something that can kill him. An actual being from this story. His eyes have been opened and all the cards are on the table. 2 Kings 6 gives a similar story. Elisha's servant is traumatized by the fact that the enemy has surrounded them. He assumes they are doomed. Elisha prays for God to peel back the veil and show him what is really going on. God opens his eyes and the servant sees the hillsides covered in angelic warriors on horses and chariots of fire ready to do battle on their side. There's more to this life this servant was living than what he could see.

And that is what this movie inspires. Is their a meta-narrative to our own life? Is their more than the mundane and does it have a deeper transcendent meaning? Is there a spiritual purpose? And a big part of the movie is that they have to swallow this story they are a part of. It's all real. They know there is more to this than just their life. So what logically follows this fact is, "What's my role?" in this meta-narrative? Do we have a cosmic meaning? And where the comedy comes into play is when the characters try to figure what their role actually is? Are they happy with the role they've been given or do they want to be something else?

We'd all like to be the hero, the protector, the guardian. Maybe we want to be Vic. Write something that changes the world. Maybe more than that, be the person who comes and speaks it, says it all. Changes the world. But that is the problem. We accept the story, we accept we have a part, but we want to be the center, not the sidekick, not the comedic relief. Or maybe we want to pick the part. And we see this played out in the film. They all try and fulfill what they think their roles are the first time, to an almost fatal conclusion. But if the narrative is to play out and happen, all parts have been determined and are equally needed and as important. And this we chafe at. We do not want to accept that things are already figured out. That the role we are to play has been determined. Even so far that's it been pre-determined when our death will happen. Most of us do not want our life defined for us. But when we submit and humble ourselves to that it actually gives us an empowering sense of purpose, duty, relationship, and love. Even Cleveland has to accept that his original thoughts of his role are wrong.

And all of these roles work together. They aren't for each themselves. These roles work together in a spirit of family. It isn't compartmentalized. They all need to work with each other and you can see the wonder within the characters as they realize their role and work together helping each other out. Who is the healer, who stares down the Scrunt, etc. As they figure these things out and realize their role, you see them become empowered, together. This is the tension in the second half of the movie. Who has what role? Are they going to figure it out in time? Will they all accept their roles?

So when we boil this all down, it is a very far-out, silly story. With silly names, silly characters, and a far-out plotline. Almost foolish.

Similar to the story of the gospel. God is the story teller and we've been given the Story. The Story of the gospel. We're stewards of this Story and all have our roles to be played to bring about the redemption and salvation of man. The Story provides the job description, what is needed to be done. We must recognize our role and accept what it is. And it all seems foolish. But when we realize the truth, when our eyes are opened, and we accept that truth, the empowerment that follows can take us out of the ho-hum and into the transcendent. Life holds no more vagaries. But only in the essence of the story of our life. The great big story will become clear when we behold God face to face.

M. Night Shyamlan definitely plays to the fact that their is a hand of providence over life. I am not sure of his religion or spirituality within himself. But I think that his constant element of meta-narrative, life has purpose and meaning and that our role is very specific to all of this is unsettling to most people. His stories and allegory are so far out there (dead people, comic books, aliens, narfs, etc.) that it becomes near foolishness to us. People dismiss his overtones and "message" because of how almost comedic his story-telling is. But it has to be, because it almost is.

Arghhhh...?

I hate Lebron James!



Since uttering those words Thursday night, Friday morning around 1am.....

Let's say the weekend was crazy.

We all know about Thursday night and LB effin J. Arghh.....

Well Friday night wasn't much better with the Tigers blowing a 4 run lead in the bottom of 9th by giving up 5 runs to the freakin' CLEVELAND INDIANS. Arghh.......

Then after the game, saying good-bye to the brother in law and sister in law, my computer starts to reboot and shut itself down constantly. Arghh.......

Brother-in-law is a computer tech-head for Quicken Loans though, he says the Operating System is still there but something has corrupted a registery or one of the start-up programs. He can fix it! So we disconnect the tower and the external hard drive we have and he takes all of that to his home friday night, he pulls out the hard drive, hooks it up to a computer of his (he has like 5 of them...he is a serious tech-head, but not the geeky kind that wears glasses and listens to Radiohead all night, but geeky enough that he goes to "Network Partys" where 5 or 6 dudes bring their laptops hook them all up to one big network and play games) backups what he can off of my computer onto the external hard drive and then does system restore.

Problem still though, he's going to Cleveland to watch game 6 and Michele and I are leaving at 9am to head up-north for my sister's High-School graduation. Michele works exclusively from home now with her job at Quicken Loans. Without the computer having the right VPN and Term Web application she cannot work on Monday and will have to go into the office. Arghhh....

However, Quicken tech support always has to have a person on hand just in case something (like this) happens. We find out that we can take the tower to the Troy office (which is on the way up north), drop it off and the tech person will upload all the necessary software. Sweet! It's on the way. But, can't take it there until after 11am. We want to be 2 hours into our trip up north by then. Arghhhh.....

Saturday morning, its 80 degrees at 7am already! Holy crap, the humidity. Load up the Ford Taurus. The AC isn't working. Arghhh......

Unload the Taurus, load up the 4 cylinder Contour and get ready to head up. We can't go over 70 but at least we'll have ac. Arghh.....

Arrive up north (after deciding since we're late, we stopped in Reese to visit the in-laws so they can see their grand-child) aroun 6pm. Roughly 5 hours later than planned. Arghhh..... (but the time at the in-laws was worth it and actually provided a good break. Besides, Seth rolled over for the first time, on his own, twice!!).

Armageddon type storm around 7:30 or so in Wolverine is showing on the horizon. Time to batton down the hatches. Storm hits, tree in backyard falls over. Dish Network Satellite isn't working and game is going to tip. Arghhh....

Storm eventaully passes, game is on, watch Daniel Gibson score 31 points, Rasheed plays his last as a Piston (more on that later), and I really hate Lebron James. Went to bed with 4 minutes to go in the game. Used the baby as an excuse...pathetic. Arghh......

Wake up Sunday, watch sister graduate high-school, very cool and very awesome. Decide to head out for home right away (it's 4pm). It rains the whole way home. All the way from Indian River to Detroit it never stopped raining, honest. Slow drive results in kid waking up in car seat screaming. He's hungry. Stop off at the grandparents home in Saginaw to feed Seth and do dinner. Get back on the road and not home until 11:30pm Sunday. Arghh.......

Hook up computer to check everything out. 95% of all mp3 files are gone! 7 years of downloading illegal music gone! Over 5,000 files gone! Arghhh.....

Let me take a moment to state that this may be the one and only time I'll admit my music snobberish. I hate it and I hate people who think they "know music." They claim what is good music and what is bad. No one knows that (except maybe Rick Rubin and Brendan O'Brien...maybe). The only bad music is rap (and that is the politics of it all, not the art form) and "critically acclaimed" is a joke in the music industry. I know good music when I hear it. I know crappy music when I hear it. My favorite song of all time is Just Like Heaven by The Cure. Favorite album of all time is The Verve Pipe - Freshmen. My favorite band of all time is Pearl Jam. Best concert I have ever been to is Kenny Chesny and Keith Urban (Urban opened for Chesney). The last CD I bought was Audioslave - Revelations and I already have on reserve for pickup on June 19 Icky Thump the new release by The White Stripes. I know music. But I will very, very, very rarely ever talk about that fact because music is for you and what you make it. What you like you like and I'm just glad you like music and know what it can do for you.

Anyway, that has been the last 96 hours of life. A big Arghhhh.......

But it has all been fun and worth it. It sucks having lost the music and some oher random files and having to load back up Photoshop and Office and all the updates from Microsoft. But we did get to travel up north safe and sound. We did get to see both parents, see my sister graduate high-school, and drive in an air conditioned car, even if we couldn't go 75-80 like we wanted to.

And of course, there is Seth